Authentic service behavior is simply the willingness to be who you
are and to tell the truth as you see it. This is your most powerful tool for building
trust and commitment.
Many people try to be too clever in communicating their ideas, seeking
to convince others to their point of view. People see right through the fast language
and persuasion techniques and, as a result, their skepticism rises. Instead, you
should be who you are and tell the truth in a caring way, which will establish
the balance that leads to trusting, productive relationships. Care, candor, and
character are enduring personal qualities, and to be authentic you must bring
those qualities into your practice, profession, and key relationships.
You must take a stance as to what you want to help create. Your services
become authentic as you help create authentic institutions, and out of that comes
accountability.
Of course, you have to struggle with the tension between healing
the ills of the world and earning a living. Many people really want to be helpful,
but they also get caught up in making a living or materialism. The commercialization
of care is one of the core challenges of authentic living and leading. Over the
years, you tend to become so imprisoned by your ambitions that you become more
of a reflection of your constituents than a catalyst for change. You tend to become
a surrogate manager. Instead of being purely advisory, you focus on implementation.
You say, “Don’t worry about that function or assignment—I’ll
take it over and do it for you.”
When you cross the line, you can no longer see clearly. You need
some marginality to give effective advice. I think what matters is the extent
to which you confront people with their freedom, with their choices. When you
become part of a system, it’s hard to do that because of economics and politics.
You make investments on which you now need a return. And so you take
over duties or functions mostly because dong so provides you with that return.
No wonder we see a growing skepticism about the value of parents,
teachers, coaches, consultants, and leaders. There has always been skepticism
and cynicism about their integrity. I don’t know that they are any less
effective; however, awareness has increased. People will always be sensitive about
bringing in experts to tell them what they think they already know, or to implement
what they don’t have the courage to do. People tend to be reluctant to accept
help or admit their vulnerability.
You can best overcome skepticism by taking their side. They have
doubts and reservations about you; agree with them. Say, “You are right—half
of the work that’s done probably never should be done.” There is no
answer to skepticism. The most affirming thing you can do is support the integrity
of the concerns.
You can do everything in your power to make this time different,
but you can’t promise them. For one thing, you don’t have complete
control because it’s a 50-50 deal, a partnership.
The ways many people go about creating change actually create defenses
against change. Some people will only pursue their own narrow self-interest; if
change is required for the sake of something larger, or some active altruism is
required, nobody is going to do it.
With such assumptions, you convince yourself that to get the change
you need, you’ve got to “drive it, drill it down, and create a burning
platform.” Such language has an element of violence. To sell your services,
you may adopt that language and say that you will help drive change.
When you start with the question, “How do we change those people?”
you tend to embrace coercion. So unless you stop and say, “That mindset
only creates more of the illness we came to heal,” you are caught in that
mentality. You start having strategy meetings about how to change people, get
them on the same page, or get them on board. What makes you think you’re
not in the water too?
I avoid projects that are about how to change other people. That
is not my goal. The essential answer to “How do we change those people?”
is “What are you doing to create the world about which you are complaining?”
It doesn’t surprise me that some people want the coercion approach
because, usually, it lets them off the hook. Often, people want to get things
done right away and pressure you about how to solve a problem fast. How can you
avoid the trap of jumping to solutions too early in a project, but still serve
people?
What is your blind spot that matches the blind spot of your people?
Many people love speed and pace. They want to demonstrate value by being quick
and practical. They want to get it done now. The get-it-done attitude maps nicely
with people’s interests to get a problem solved quickly, but doesn’t
help change anything that matters.
To resist jumping to the “how” of solutions, you must
ask yourself if you have done the work of valuing thought, reflection, depth,
and dialogue as tools for change. Ask yourself: What are you there for? I am there
to help people make good decisions. Then I have to come to terms with my own economic
needs.
If you are a new service provider, I advise you:
First, learn how to manage your anxiety.
You may live on the edge, never having financial security. I think fear and anxiety
may be our natural state, but people try to pretend they are not afraid. Life
is scary. So, face that fear instead of trying to act confident.
Second, narrow your focus. Don’t
try to be the all-purpose service provider. Find out what you care most about
and what you have a gift for, and let the world know about that.
Third, do your own inner work. You are
the product, so do whatever it takes. Recognize that you can’t do it alone.
You need to get help from a teacher at a workshop, a church, or a therapy group.
You need to draw on a community you are part of. Otherwise you can get hubris
and arrogance.
Are you making any progress toward authenticity? Authenticity increases
with accountability. PE
