Authority is the last resort of the inept and frustrated. Parents
who rely on “Because I said so” to direct a child know the truth of
this adage. When rank becomes your primary means of ensuring compliance, you have
lost the battle to influence.
The art of influencing others has challenged us for centuries. We
tend to resort to five old favorites:
- Giving orders. In autocratic settings, influencing involves simply giving
an order. Followers comply with little resistance—until they revolt or strike.
- Selling. In democratic settings, we often resort to selling—outlining the benefits of pursuing a goal. But, at the end of the act of selling
is a follower who feels sold.
- Using colorful communication. Communicators rely on their charismatic style or compelling message.
- Role modeling. Leaders who “walk the talk” show that whatever
they are walking should be emulated. Placing leaders on pedestals to be copied,
however, does little to bolster the self-reliance of others. As followers pursue
a “messiah-like” shepherd, they move away from personal accountability.
- Providing incentives. Parents incent the “good child” who acts in sync with the goal. The parental overtones may seem subtle, but they are felt
by those who acquiesce for acceptance.
So, if you rule out ordering, selling, communicating, role-modeling,
and providing incentives, what tool is left? How do you get the horse to drink?
If you give the drinking horse more hay, or remind the horse of the long hot journey
ahead, or sell the horse on the benefits of drinking, or drink beside the horse
to encourage imitation, have you authentically influenced him?
Choose Partnership
Finding a new answer involves choosing partnership over patriarchy.
If you approach your relationship with your followers as fellow travelers on the
same train, you cultivate interdependence.
- Collective creation of purpose. A shared vision is crafted collectively.
Everyone enters the dialogue about direction—every person has an honest
say in what the vision looks like.
- The power of shared legacy. Help people see how they contribute to the future and discover how they contribute to a rich history. Passion comes from a belief
in a future that gives us security. It also emerges from a legacy of the past
that arms us with substance. Don’t let people forget their ancestry—not
to perpetuate an ineffective “we’ve always done it that way,”
but rather to honor the emotional ground on which they stand.
- Joint accountability. Partnerships are power-free relationships—marriages of equals with a common vision, shared values, but with different talents. Accountability
for results, must be shared. Everyone is responsible for the results and the quality
of cooperation.
- Complete bone honesty. Effective partnerships are coalitions laced in truth. Honesty and candor are seen as tools for growth rather than devices for disdain.
Partners serve each other straight talk mixed with compassion and care. They value
candor, openness, and authenticity.
The path to honest relationships involves the courage to ask for
feedback and the compassion to give feedback. Truth may sometimes leave relationships
temporarily uncomfortable or bruised, but truth leaves partners hearty and healthy.
It exterminates guilt and deceit.
Partnership is a commitment to a dialogue, not an act of surrendering.
It starts with asking for input rather than offering instruction. It averts the
trap of being the “answer person.” It is operating with the faith
that wisdom lies within us all, and opting for the inefficient fostering of discovery
rather than the expeditious pronouncement of the solution. PE
