Have you ever pondered the question, “Who am I?” In your
quest for self-improvement, have you ever wondered how to find your “true”
self?
For years, self-help gurus have offered us prescriptions for finding
our “real” or “ideal” self. This advice is well-intentioned;
however, thinking there are differences between your “real” and “fake”
self can push you into strategic self-subordination, perpetually deferred identities,
auto-dressage, and into coping with chaos.
Strategic self-subordination occurs when you engage in self-surveillance,
and subordinate yourself on behalf of others. Have you created a perpetually deferred
self—an imagined, potential self that will someday enjoy and reap the rewards
that your hard work and service have earned you? The perpetually deferred self
has plans for vacations, projects, hobbies, and parties to plan and attend—but
only some day. Deferral creates a cycle in which your non-work life concerns are
placed on hold—left in the care of others.
Your Crystal Self
Consider what it would be like to embrace other facets of your identity.
To assist you, we propose the metaphor of the “crystallized self.”
Crystals come in various shapes and sizes; they grow, change, and reflect different
colors under different lights or conditions.
Like a crystal, your crystallized self encompasses all your roles.
At different times, you reflect different images of yourself.
To better realize a crystallized self, practice three behaviors:
- Start elevating your nonprofessional self in areas that intersect with your work, rather than privileging work as the only productive realm of your life.
- Play with language. Next time somebody asks you what you do, rather than responding with your job title, consider saying, “I play with my child,” “I
volunteer,” or “I do yoga.”
- Place yourself in situations in which you are not comfortable or an expert. In this way, you inch closer to the edges in your life.
The many facets of your identity are neither real nor fake, but are
relevant in various contexts. To make all these facets real, they just need to
be noted, polished, and cleaved. PE
