None of us are perfect —there’s always something not
quite right. We always feel less than perfect in one way or another, and we probably
always will. It comes with being human.
Something always seems to be missing, even if we can’t put
our finger on it. Because it’s not easy to identify, we often blame it on
conditions: We aren’t earning enough, we don’t have the right partner,
we live in the wrong places. But then we earn more, we change partners, we move,
and yet the itch for something more or different remains.
So we meditate, go to therapy, and read books on how to “follow
our bliss.” But while these strategies may have benefits, none of them fix
the underlying problem, because imperfection is built into our genetic code.
In a results-driven culture like ours, that assertion borders on
heresy. We tend to assume that every problem has a solution if only we persist
and use the right technology. We search for answers, but in the end, we can only
bow our heads to the fact of our limitations.
As T.S. Eliot said, “The only wisdom we can hope to acquire
is the wisdom of humility: Humility is endless.” Humility brings us down
to earth and lets us acknowledge that we are flawed. The perfection ideal shores
up our illusion of having some control over a life that will never, in reality,
conform to our plans. Whatever technical wizardry we have at our disposal, however
sophisticated our spiritual practices, we shall never get to the bottom of who
we are, never uncover all our fault lines and layers of subtle unrest. We will
always be just beyond our own grasp. There’s great pleasure in accepting
that we are fine just as we are, cracks and all.
Acknowledge Imperfections
Mistakes are unavoidable. We take the wrong job, we choose the wrong
partner, we buy when we should have sold; but mistakes rarely seem like mistakes
at the time. Only with hindsight do they appear as errors of judgment.
Our failures give us opportunities to learn—a point made by
Thomas Edison, who, after years of unsuccessful attempts to produce a light bulb,
said, “I haven’t failed. I’ve found 10,000 ways that don’t
work.” But whatever we may or may not have done, all of it goes toward making
the person we are. Any apparent wrong turn can have surprising and joyful consequences.
When we acknowledge our imperfections, we are freed to stop judging
others critically. Not being perfect allows us to feel empathy and compassion,
not just for ourselves but for others. We see our own frailties and shortcomings
in our friends and lovers, or we see that they stumble just as we do. Not being
perfect together joins us in our humanity. That’s a good feeling: We’re
all in this crazy life together, and in large measure it will take us where it
wants to go. That may cause anxiety, but it beats being lonely in a posture of
having it all together when everyone around you seems less than capable.
No matter what we do, the reality is that we are not built to last.
Death is our supreme limitation. Yet knowing the extent of our limitation is the
best condition we can have for waking up to the miracle that we are here now.
That is the brilliance of the human design: The built-in “defect”
is the very thing that can spur us to drink down the full draught as it comes
to us. PE
